Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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