It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm passing your future prison.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
