I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
