so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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