I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
