So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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