the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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