i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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