Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
last night I used snow as a chaser
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
