We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
