You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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