you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
