You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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