Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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