Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
