why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink