If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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