Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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