I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
