i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
