is your mom at the bar?
we have pet lesbian snakes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
