my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
