the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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