I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
