dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
