Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
