Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Where is the hickey?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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