I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
