all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
