Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
