PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
