That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
