No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
