His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
