I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
