I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
