Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize