Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
