I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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