I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
the liver wants what the liver wants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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