i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
