hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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