Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
