Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize