I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
