First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
