Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
