no, he came in my armpit
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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