he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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