can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
