you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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