this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
