apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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