my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
