She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.