"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.