How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance