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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.

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• (619): View more from California

  He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.

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• (818): View more from California

  It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's important to play to your strengths.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...

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• (315): View more from New York

  There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.

  (315): View more from New York

  Send help.

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