To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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