and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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