I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
