we have officially mastered the walk of shame
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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