Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize