my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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