Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
